Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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