A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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