he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
