I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
