I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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