He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
