I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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