I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
