So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
