so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
