i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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