I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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