I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
