I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
