Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
