why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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