you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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