I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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