It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
