even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
