I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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