you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
