I hate all girls vehemently.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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