I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
