We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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