if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
