you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
