i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
