I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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