These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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