it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
