I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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