What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
