He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
3 2 1 whiskey
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
