Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
