so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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