two words: eviction party
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
