But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize