K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
