just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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