And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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