lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
