Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
