I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
