I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
