Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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