I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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