The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
