I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
