im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
