Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
