Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
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