don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
smell my finger.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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