life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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