Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
