don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Someone shit on the floor
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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