So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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