you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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