i was born a porn star she said
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
