Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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