If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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