Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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