he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
