Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just gargled with NyQuil
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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